Well, I am fresh out of another French lesson at work and have popped over to a nearby cyber cafe to give ya’ll a progress update. I have TWO posts on the way to make up for the dry spell, so buckle your seatbelts!
Also, because I heard this song on the radio the other day, and to honor the fact that Ive been sharing my life and adventures with you through the internet, todays song choice is fittingly Brad Paisley’s Im so much cooler online. Enjoy!
Post Numero 1
Life is trundling along here in good ol’ Cameroon and Im surviving (well, more than just suriving infact, things are still great) but in the last couple of days Ive come to a startling realization…I have been here for over half of my stay now! I cant believe it! Every time I picture the number 1/2 in my mind’s eye a tidal wave of associated thoughts is triggered in my head. Bear with me as I try to explain this…
Lets first have another look into the psyche of Matt Banninga…I know what youre thinking, I DO hate math and fractions in general…but since I arrived, every week or so Ive been following a simple pattern.
1. stop for a moment to think and reflect on my adventures and experiences.
2. brand a number into my head based on a calculation of “how long have I been here, and how much longer do I have?”. For example 1-1/8=7/8.
3. attach the resulting thoughts and emotions to the fraction now firmly, yet mentally secured in my head. Now whenever these fractions and time measurements are recalled, corresponding mental matter is recalled as well.
Landmark emotions and events here have often been tied to these fractions and time spent vs. time left calcualtions. Wish me luck as I try to provide a few examples of how this works during the 45 minutes my cyber credit will allow.
When I arrived, after my first week or so I stopped to think, “wow, Ive been here only 1/18 of my stay and Ive ALREADY experienced so many crazy new and exciting things, this is going to be a great long summer I still have 17/18 left!”
Next, fast forward to the beginning of May, when culture shock was at its worst and I yearned for home. At this point, my own mental commentary sounded like this ”Ugh, I just want to see my friends and family, have a normal, boring, everday conversation, and I want to be able to walk down the street without being an obvious and easily spotted outsider…okay stay strong youve already made it 1/8…only 7/8 left.”
After this feeling passed we move onto early June, days after my return from a weekend out of Douala (for the first time) and meeting a number of other interns. I had just returned from Limbe and although I enjoyed the more luxurious lifestyle that weekend, thats not what changed my attitude. It was getting out of the city to see GREEN and the OCEAN. Ive been living in a crowded, polluted, noisy city and I DO love it. But I was in great need of this refresher. Visiting with other interns who could relate to my experiences up to that point was also very helpful. On this occassion I thought “alright, 1/4 of the way, get out of homesickness mode, theres no need to be under a dark cloud, get to the here and now, you still have 3/4 left to enjoy!.” Unfortunately for some of my viewers, this is also when my dependency to the internet began to lessen, hence the less frequent posts!
Towards the end of June, life had really started to settle here in Cameroon. The friendships and relationships that had began when I arrived had firmly taken root, with my coworkers, students, some local friends and neighbors, my colleagues and boss, and the other interns. I started to feel less and less like a lonely visitor or traveller. This realization came at me like this “hmm, 1/3 of the way, and things are really starting to feel like a second home, the typical things that used to be so wild and new here are no longer wild or exciting…but…thats new and exciting in its own way, I still have 2/3 left to continue building on this foundation!”
And finally, to the most recent brand in my head… 1/2…the big landmark, the number, has been stamped into my head with a big rubber stamp with red ink. It has been much more challenging to articulate a thought to go with this fraction. As determined by the laws of math, when I did the calculation, “okay 1/2 over…that means…1/2 left???” this time, I had crossed the threshold. Ive been here for over half of my stay, Ive lived those minutes hours and days of “1/2″ in Cameroon time, I know how fast they go and what they feel like. Ive been there and done “1/2″ .
It was startling when the solution to my equation was no longer greater than the input. Suddenly the mysterious conception of time for other half of the equation was solved !
Thats all I have left now, and as the mathematics continues to bear down on my days, that time horizon is only going to get smaller. But how should I feel? Should i relax and not think about it? Should I go into panic mode and start trying to travel and go go go as much as I can? So many people have told me to “make the most of it.” Or should I focus more on my basic everyday experiences with my friends and work? Afterall, in some ways these things are equally or more rewarding than big trips to the mountain or the beach. Should I also be trying to find a better to leave my mark here? Should I dedicate more time to helping the AIESEC chapter, should I spend my spare time getting involved with a project or charity here? Should I be dreading the fact that the time is ticking, or should I happily accept the fact that I will soon return to my dear country, friends, and family?
This might not be the clearest post Ive made to date, but it reflects the jumbled mind I have right now because of this realization. Infact, I wont even bother proofreading this time around, this will be my pure raw and unedited thoughts surrounding the topic. Afterwards though, If any of you were able to undersand it, please feel free to re-explain it to me or help me clarify it myself. As you can see, this whole 1/2 business really has my mind spinning and over-evaluating things here.
Well, I blame it on fractions and math…Theyve never been my friends, and once again they have brought back the same feelings of anxiety and confusion as they did in grade 12 advanced functions! Ha!
